We all know that the modern man’s life revolves entirely around penises. Yet the fact that the sexuality most strongly tied to them is precisely that of heterosexual men deserves special attention.

In the past, some smart people came along and declared women to be trash. Everyone agreed and hastily perceived them to be incapable both mentally and emotionally. But for some reason the myth of women’s presence in sex still thrives.

When he sees an attractive woman, a man sees only an opportunity to emphasize his masculinity. He doesn’t think “Oh, what a beautiful woman.”. He thinks “Ohhhh, what a good opportunity to use my penis!”. In most cases the woman is just a flat surface on which the heterosexual man projects his desire, but in reality, it is a desire to put his penis to use. A man’s arousal stems from his own sex organ, not from factors in the outside world.

Heterosexual men tend to exalt the penis as an idea and elevate it to a cult. They identify with their own, and enjoy the presence of penises all around them. I’m almost certain that if they didn’t find it weird, all men would write an ode to the penis.

And now comes the fun part. Since a man’s sexual desire is a relationship between him and his own penis, he has no way of sharing it with a woman. So the only people present on the spectrum of his sexuality are… other men.

During a sexual act, having a woman in it is just a formality. Subconsciously, the man is too busy not just using his penis, but fighting for dominance over the other penises he has yet to share it with. He is very anxious to perform at a high level in sex, aiming to please not his partner but his friends.

In terms of sexual contacts with people of his own sex, straight men are divided into three groups. The goal is to abstract from exactly how pathetic each of them is and consider them solely in terms of the degree to which they are penis-bound.

The first group are those who hate gays because they see them as traitors to masculinity. Here we have the position of ” But how so. The penis is sacred. It can’t be used for random stuff, let alone not used at all.” The problem isn’t anything else, it’s the idea that this breaks the ranks of the penis warrior. An interesting fact here is that these men spend more than half their time thinking about gays in one form or another.

The second group are the men who don’t perceive gays to be any different from them. After all, we all have penises, we all put them into action as we see fit, and that’s what’s most important.

And the third group is the one that does not limit itself sexually. With the fall of the old dogmas, this group is growing more and more, and in all probability it is the group of the future. Actually, however, number three are not free-minded at all. They have simply reached new levels of cynicism. Men of this type like to be desired by other men because it is a new unit of measurement of masculinity. So women go to even more backward positions. If women consider you masculine, that’s fine. But if other men admire your masculinity, that’s a real testament to the magnificence of your penis. Although heterosexual, they are willing to sleep with another man just to infuse more power into his penis and expand its capabilities, reaching the level of “superpenis” known in many spiritual teachings.

Still, I can’t help but give The Universe a point. If we had to pick one type of person who gets most excited about penises, we’d pick anyone but heterosexual men. And,of course, that is exactly why they are the correct choice.